This Sport Is Horrible

Let's just go ahead and design all of the other professional sports around the way soccer is designed. Imagine if Game 7 of the NBA Championship ended in a tie, and they decided the winners by shooting five free throws apiece. Imagine if the Superbowl ended in a tie, and they chose five players from each side to kick field goals to decide the winner. Imagine if the World Series ended in a tie, and they picked five pitchers aside to throw strikes, or five catchers to throw out base runners, or five batters to have a home run hitting contest.

This would be absolutely insane, and ludicrous, and unjust. America is based on a just and efficient meritocracy that thrives on measured competition. That's why soccer has never really quite caught on here. They play a whole game and often the only score is a single goal awarded based on a flop in the penalty area. Americans would never stand for it. It reeks of random injustice and unearned glory.

Could you imagine if they played a whole basketball game and no one was able to score and then based on one foul the other team got a free throw worth fifty points? That about sums up soccer. In America, we believe in second chances. There's almost always hope that you can catch up in basketball and football. In soccer, you fall behind by two goals and you're pretty much done.